My Parenting Is A Lot Like Football Season

It is. When my team is doing well, I wear my shirt, post on all of my social media accounts, and tell anyone who walks past. BUT when my team decides that they're going to drop passes, miss field goals, and throw interceptions, I turn off my tv, watch via my ESPN app, and am not too keen on wearing my team gear.

The same can definitely be said for my autism parenting. When Madeline is doing great, I'm out there taking about autism awareness, taking her places, bragging about her strides, and feel pretty good at the parenting thing - I feel like this progress will last forever. Then just like that, we are slowly sliding into chaos and the last thing I want to do is talk about autism and how wonderful it can be and the very, very last thing I want to do is take her autism out into public. This is why I haven't been on the blog since ....ummm ... November?

A lot of people find their Christmas break is a time when they can take a rest from the busy schedules, do Christmas crafts and cute activities, and go into kind of this unwind mode. This was most definitely not the case for us. Autism, combined with ADHD,  does not like breaks and down time. It thrives on structure and routine - AND for Madeline, that routine works best when she is learning facts about animals, doing math, reading - all of the nerdy stuff most kids want to take a break from. Here's the kicker - she thinks she can only do those things at school. That combined with the fact I am not running a school the entire Christmas break, and her medicine needing tweaking, sucked that holiday spirit right out of me.

I won't go into details because I don't ever want to post something on this blog that would ever embarrass her or cause her to later on feel horrible I would share things about her life/autism. I will encourage her to embrace her autism as she ages, but right now she's not old enough to comprehend how to do that.

So basically, I'm back. Hopefully. Because sharing this autism life can be fun and awareness is key. And I'm learning how to deal with all of this as well.... and hiding out for the past 2 months probably wasn't the best thing ever.

Can't get rid of me that easily! Love ya'll! 😀

** Side note: I am already planning for summer break... I have a few months to get my act together... Lots of swimming, sprinklers, fact finding scavenger hunts, and tequila.... LOTS OF TEQUILA!!!!! 

The Very Last Costume.......

Well, Parenting Magazine still hasn't called to interview me for Mom of the Year. I guess they found out that last year I waited until the last minute to order tickets to Madeline's dance recital and they were sold out. Luckily, I did end up getting seats and all was well - Madeline was never the wiser. 

I mean as parents we all make those "I messed up but I fixed it before the kid even got a sniff of what was going on" mistakes. The broken trophy that was quickly replaced while at school. The time you ate all of the Halloween candy so you had to run to the grocery store. You forgot the team snack and booked it to get those oranges. So yeah, those are moments you messed up, but at the end of the day are able to put that tally in your "mom win" column.

BUT

then there are those mistakes where there is no rock you can hide under and you are completely exposed to the fact that you have no idea what you are even doing as a parent. I mean, wasn't it yesterday my mom was the one taking care of my life's every detail? Now, poof! It's suddenly my turn. 

It was Madeline's dance class. (What's up with me and dance?) It was the class before Halloween and the kids were encouraged to dress up. Madeline has dance on Wednesday and that particular day called for the kids to come to class dressed up all Wacky. 

QUICK AUTISM NOTE: Madeline's idea of "wacky" is wearing a slightly different shade of pink leggings that somewhat clashes with the other shade of pink that is on her shirt. No wacky hair, no crazy mix-match crazy clothes. To her it makes absolutely no sense. Everything has its place. 

Ok - back to the story.  I get to dance early and attempt to make her wacky.  I was even going to have her wear her Ninja Turtle Leo mask. BUT  I forgot it at home. So I tried to compensate by getting her into the wacky theme. Again, a regular pony tail and some pink leggings that clashed with the red flowers on her shirt were the only things that would do. We are finished and I get her to her volunteer and up the stairs they go. I was going to head to Costco while she was in dance and get her a full Ninja Turtle costume, when I came in contact with another autism mom and started flapping my gums. About 20 minutes later, I hear this girl throwing a fit.... it was Madeline. Apparently, even thought it was wacky day, everyone wore their costume and got a turn to show them off. Well, Madeline wasn't wearing hers (remember, I forgot her mask?) She was beside herself. Those "things aren't exactly perfect and going according to plan" tantrums aren't pretty. I told her that if she calmed down, I would go to the store and get her costume. 

I swooped up Norah, ran to my car, strapped her in, and drove to Costco, because I remember they had several Ninja Turtle costumes. We get out, show the lady our card and race to the costumes, where there was ONLY ONE Ninja Turtle costume left in the entire warehouse.... AND IT WAS HER SIZE!!! Unfortunately it was missing the shell part, but I had no time to bargain with the cashier. I gladly paid and went on my way. But I was no fool. I took the packaging with the picture of the complete costume and threw that puppy in the trash! No way I was letting her see a piece was missing. I made it back to dance class with 5 minutes to spare. Madeline was back downstairs upset, but I raced in, put on her costume, and all was right with the world. She got 5 minutes of dancing in her costume. 

At the end of the day my nerves were fried, but I went to bed with a tally in my "mom win" column. 

Family Rules

One of the best decisions we have made thus far as parents (there are so few, when we get something right, I blog about it)  is displaying Family Rules in our home. I usually don't copy other people's rules, but I saw a list on Pinterest that really resonated with our family. We have them posted in the foyer/entrance area.

Don't they look great? My mom found a lady who did the whole thing. It really blends with our home decor, which is exactly what I wanted. But if we're not careful, those beautiful words can become merely a decoration instead of the basis for how our household functions. 

Each time Madeline or Norah breaks a rule, we have them tell us which rule was broken and apologize. It has been so neat to see how in just a short period of time they have, not only memorized each one, but know what number corresponds to each rule. The other day Norah got her stool out to try and reach something on the counter. I walked up to her and asked "What does rule 6 say?" And she immediately said "Ask permission." I was then able to correct the behavior. The same is true for Madeline. Regulating emotions is a hard task for my child with autism. She can tend to sound rude and forceful, so rule #3 - Use kind words in a kind voice, has been one we are constantly having to reinforce. 

As parents, we are also learning that these are FAMILY rules. Not only do the children have to obey them but we, as the parents, have to obey them as well. The other day, I got upset with Norah because she had a tad bit of attitude in her voice. So, what did I do? I yelled .... USE KIND WORDS IN A KIND VOICE!!!! Ya'll. I sure did. I then had to apologize for not only yelling at her, but also not using kind words in a kind voice. I was able to tell her I was wrong and implement rule #6 - ask for forgiveness.  It's a work in progress, but I'm so thankful we are laying the foundation for how we want to raise our girls. 

Autism Is....

So I'm sitting here at the computer listening to Mike read bedtime stories to Madeline and he is frequently interrupted because he's not pronouncing each word distinctly enough.

I'm trying not to laugh because she's insistent and he's in there trying to pronounce each word to perfection to move the process along so we can go to sleep.


SOOOOO every now and I will have a short post called "Autism is...." and list something random that is going on at our house. The same will be true for ADHD. You never know what interesting things you'll hear about.

For tonight?

Autism is....

pronunciation is key. Each word must be spoken to perfection. She's listening....

The Family Vacation - It's All About Perspective

Besides Christmas, it's the most wonderful time of year - the family vacation. We do not take our yearly pilgrimage to the land of sand and sea until October, so after seeing everyone else's summer pictures, we are ready to GO! And everyone else's pictures show matching outfits, splashing water with smiles and giggles, everyone enjoying all of the great food the gulf has to offer at restaurants where the kids are all behaving. Yeah, that's what the pictures show. So when I look at those, I think yeah... vacation.... ahhhhhhh life is good.

But, ya'll, it's the same old thing year, after year, after year. The thrill of vacation excitement is quickly squashed by the reality of one thing: that's not our reality. And quite frankly, I bet that's not most people's reality. Pictures are funny things, huh? But every year, I set myself up to have these expectations of me relaxing and me doing what I want to do. I spent a lot of vacations not having the best time, because my expectations were never met.

See, I was forgetting one little word in the whole family vacation thing..... FAMILY!

A family vacation means living out your life together in a different location with better views and food. The same baggage is there because we are all imperfect people, and no amount of amazing gulf views and all-you-can-eat seafood buffets is going to change that.

This realization didn't hit me until we were about 4 days into our vacation. I was laying in a blanket with my girls on our beach house deck one night. The stars were so bright and beautiful. I listened at Madeline described them to me through her eyes...

We see the stars at night, but they wear camouflage during the day like Gekko from PJ Masks. 

And she kept describing the sky and was so excited to see each and every one. In that moment God gave me this small revelation: this is family vacation - being with and enjoying my family. Autism and ADHD make vacation more difficult and less relaxing, but instead of focusing on that - God gave me a moment into Madeline's inquisitive little mind and how she sees the world. I hate it when I take those moments for granted, and I'm thankful I have that sweet memory.

So, yes.......

• Norah peed at midnight, then woke up at 4am crying because she didn't like the new panties I put on her.... they weren't pink.
• Madeline didn't go to sleep until 2 am the first night and never recovered, so we had 2 days of complete meltdowns.
• Both of my children made dinner time quite the "experience." I believe there were endless screams over not getting a certain pink plate?
• Autism and ADHD still vacationed with us - they don't take breaks.
• Alcohol and coffee were both consumed before noon. (Hey, it's vacation... right?)

But........

• Norah overcame her fear of the ocean, tackling those killer gulf waves. 
• Madeline was able to swim in the pool and dive for toys.
• I was able to sit at the dinner table every.single.night with my family. 
• I was able to watch the sunrise and sunset with my 2 girls each and everyday.
• I learned more and more about my children's little personalities. 
• I got to sit and watch the waves crash while answering Norah's questions about God and creation.
• I witnessed Madeline improve her social skills as she interacted with others at the beach.
• Our awesome families helped out so much by doing activities with the girls.
• My sweet husband and I were a team all week. Spending time with him without his work computer was pretty amazing. 

So from now on, I think I'm going to have a different family vacation perspective: savor that precious week with my family - my loud, energetic, perfectly imperfect family...... and plan my 15 year anniversary cruise..... hey, it's only 3 years away... :)  

This Adulting Gig is Exhausting.....

Parenting is hard ya'll!

Emotionally

Physically

Just hard.

Last week, I was done. I mean totally absolutely done. Madeline was not taking her medicine, so we had to change course and decide on another medication. Norah, my typical child, has discovered her whining voice - and lemme tell ya, I'd rather listen nails down a chalkboard while watching paint dry while being forced to eat generic ketchup with non Chick-fil-A fries.

I had zero desire to pray, much less open my Bible for anything. What was that going to change? Madeline was still not going to swallow a pill, and Norah's voice can't magically turn off the whine mode.

Jesus - you've got nothing for me. What good is it going to do to talk to you or read about something that happened what feels like eons ago? My circumstances are not on your priority list. Madeline's autism and ADHD will still be there tomorrow.

This was my heart and this was my attitude. Then for whatever reason (yeah, it was God) this verse came to my mind:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:15-16

Wow. Why would I not come to Jesus? Why would I hold anything back? The creator of the universe came to the earth as a man and was tempted and stayed sinless....... AND sympathizes with my weaknesses. The Bible says I can come to him with confidence. Jesus is so tangible to me and yet day after day I disregard him as some "higher power" who can't possibly care about me. Ya'll, there could be nothing further from the truth.

I don't come to Jesus to "fix" Madeline. I come to Jesus to get to know the One who created Madeline and ask for wisdom as to how to steward this precious gift. 

I don't come to Jesus like I would come to a genie to grant my wishes for a better life. I come to Jesus to ask for his grace to deal with the life he's called me to lead.

I don't read my Bible so Jesus will say "Great job, Chris, you've checked off your religious box today. I guess I can make things a little less stressful today." I read my Bible to learn more about who God is and how my relationship with Him defines my purpose here on this earth.

When life gets stressful I shouldn't run away from my Father, but run to my Father through prayer and reading the Bible..... with confidence. Every time I try to live out this thing called life on my own, I fail miserably.

So the long and short of it? I'll leave you with this:

Just a Little Hello from the Girls